I did something today that I might come to regret.
I’ve never really loved the name of my main toon. I chose it because it seemed like it suited her, and didn’t give much thought to it beyond that. Over the years of playing WoW, her name has become my name. But it doesn’t suit me. I don’t like it when people call me that. And so today, I forked over the $10 for a name change. And now I feel guilty about it.
My main is almost the first toon I ever made. I say almost, because there was one other toon before her, a night elf druid with the name of Faylina. I instantly fell in love with this character. I liked her long purple hair and her athletic looking body. Her name suited her well, and it suited me too. I’ve long used variations of my middle name, Faye, as identities online, and I didn’t see a reason for WoW to be any different there. As I ran through Teldrassil, I felt a wonderful connection with this character, even though I didn’t know much about the lore of Warcraft or anything about MMOs in general. I was just looking for an escape into a pretty fantasy land for a few hours, and I thought I had found it.
A few days later, I told my friend I started playing WoW, and he said something to the effect of “No, don’t do it! Save yourself now! Don’t let yourself get sucked in by that game. But if you’re going to play, roll up a horde character on Argent Dawn.”
“Horde?” I asked. “But if I want to be a druid in the Horde, don’t I have to be one of those weird cow things?”
“They’re Tauren!” my friend replied, sounding quite put out by my words. “And they’re the greatest race in WoW, totally noble and honorable, and…hang on, I’m going to re up my account.”
Since the prospect of having a friend to play with was far too tempting, the next time I logged in, I switched servers and went to Argent Dawn and then clicked on the tauren for the race selection. I chose druid again for class, of course, and then I stared at the bovine avatar, a little line probably appearing between my brows.
“You are not a Faylina,” I told her. “Faylina means graceful fairy or elf. You are none of those things.”
The name that I was so fond of didn’t suit this new character, and it felt wrong giving it to her. I wanted to RP in WoW. The whole reason I started playing was that I wanted a creative outlet again. I didn’t know much about these tauren things, but I could see from the background on the character selection screen that it looked like they were part of some sort of Native American culture. My then boyfriend (now husband) is of Native American descent, so I really wanted to do the right thing for the culture. This character couldn’t be Faylina. She had to be something else. I went to a wiki about WoW and read about the Tauren and their culture and their language. I read that:
The language of the tauren is often harsh and low sounding, which is reflected in the names of their children. The last name of a tauren is usually a family name, handed down through the generations.
So I sat there typing out names, choosing to start one with a K, since that sounded harsh and I tend to just like names that start with that sound. Another site had suggested that female names have “round” sounds in them, so I thought O’s would be the way to go. And after messing around for awhile, I finally came up with Koloma. It suited the character. Ko seemed like a cute nickname for her. And most importantly, the name was actually available on the server. I hit done and zoned into the world, blinking at the plains of Mulgore and trying to decide if I liked it compared to the pretty night elf forests I had left behind.
Having a friend to play with was a good draw though, and so I stumbled my way through Mulgore and then the Barrens, leveling slower than I’m fairly sure anyone has ever done before. My friend eventually met up with me, playing a cute little blood elf paladin girl, and I felt a little jealous of how…not clumsy his toon looked. But I was getting used to my tauren girl, even if she did look goofy when she ran or emoted.
A few days later, I got a text from my friend.
“Hey,” it said, “Were you being unintentionally hilarious, or did you know that Koloma means ‘snort’ in the Makonde language?”
“Uh….” I replied. “Unitentionally hilarious, but that kind of fits, huh?”
We both laughed about it, and a few days later, I made this picture.
What I didn’t realize when I gave my character this name was that it would eventually become my name as well. WoW is my first MMO, and so I didn’t really understand things like instances or raiding, or that eventually I would be talking to people on Mumble and they would actually be calling me Koloma out loud. For her, the name is perfect. For me, not so much. When people talk about Koloma doing something, there’s always a disconnect there. It doesn’t feel like they’re talking about me. It feels like they’re talking about my awkward but awesome tauren druid whose name means “to snort.”
I came to realize that forcing myself to be Koloma felt just as wrong as forcing her to be Faylina. It’s not fair to make either of us be something that we’re not. And so I went searching for a new name, one that would suit us both. I looked up actual Native American names, ones that I could modify to include a little bit of myself. After searching through, I found two that I thought would work, Aiyana and Ayasha. Fayana, I discovered, is a name for some sort of fanfic shipping couple from some supernatural teen show that I have absolutely no desire to be attached to. Fayasha, on the other hand, seemed safe. I quickly reserved the name on my server, and then sat there for a month, trying to figure out if I really did want to change it. For some reason, changing Koloma’s name made me feel guilty.
Okay, I know she’s just pixels. I know that she doesn’t actually exist and have feelings. But for whatever reason, I feel like I’m betraying her somehow. It’s why I didn’t turn her into a troll, despite generally liking that model better. I can’t even change the color of her fur to get a different cat when I’m in kitty form. How did I think I was actually going to be able to change her name? She and I have been through so much together! We survived Barrens chat and the Scourge invasion before Wrath dropped! We experienced our first pug and discovered the need for a decent guild! We found that a mix of rest, cat, and balance talents do not make for a good leveling experience and then found out about the wonders of dual spec! We killed the Lich King! We killed Deathwing! I’ve written stories about her! How could I go and change her identity like this?
But in the end….I’m not Koloma. I’m me, and I want her to reflect that too. Fayasha seems a good compromise, and it’s not that hard to go back and replace Koloma for Fayasha in her stories so she’s still the same character. And rather than “to snort,” Ayasha means “little one.” It’s ironic and appropriate, because in our raids, my druid is always the tallest toon, yet in real life, I’m probably much shorter than all of the people I raid with. So despite the weird guilt I felt, I typed in the name, then loaded up WoW and stared at my toon for a little while, trying to imagine her in game. “I think we can both be Fayasha,” I told her.
And with that, I hit the “enter world” button, ready for both of us to be ourselves.
/earthmothersnorts
/moo
I forget if I’ve told you this, but ever since I met you/your druid, I’ve always associated Koloma with Coloma, Michigan. I’ve never been there (or to anyplace in Michigan), but it’s was through my first job that I knew of it.
For five years, I worked at an apple orchard store. Because the owner wanted to sell more than just the apples and pears he grew, he drove around to the other side of Lake Michigan to buy and bring back fresh peaches and blueberries, which grow better over there, as well as many varieties frozen produce, to sell back in our store. http:// http://www.colomafrozen.com
To me, Coloma’s a place of bountiful harvest, so Koloma was a perfect name for a druid, especially one who was usually a tree. (And hey, look at that, Coloma also has a deer park. http://www.deerforest.com/ )
This is why it was difficult for me to understand why you were dissatisfied with the name. That Koloma means “to snort” never really sunk in for me.
Looking into it, I see that there is also a Coloma, California. The internet says that it was named for the valley in which it was situated, called Cullumah, meaning “beautiful” to the native Nisenan Indians. I’m sure there are many cases where a word/homonymn had very different meanings between various Native American tribes.
And who says we even need to attribute our characters’ names with a real-world meaning? Bimini means “mother of many waters” in the Taíno/Arawak language, but I can have it mean whatever I want in Zandali.
But I digress. Your personal association with the name’s meaning is what matters here, and you have the right to alter your avatar, and in turn, redefine yourself. I think that you’ll be more content with your character creation now. And not to be selfish, but I’ll feel more comfortable calling you Faye now that you have a main with the name. Otherwise, I’d be calling you by your real name, and that’s just weird! LOL
Yeah, I knew about some of the other meanings, but “to snort” is always the one that stuck. Koloma is a good name, it just ultimately didn’t fit me. And since you guys have all become such real friends to me, I’d rather you think of me as me, rather than Ko. Blogging has also made me want to associate my main more with myself. Who knows, maybe I won’t feel so frustrated now when Kora doesn’t get to raid, since my druid will feel more like me. 😉
Great post!
I recently changed my shaman’s name from Marsaili to Lizzyuh. Lizzyuh is a recent nickname given to me by one of my dearest friends. I like it. It fits my personality pretty well.
It did not fit my tiny, giggling, sassy, silly dwarf. At. All.
Of course, I realized this about a week after changing the name. I tried changing her name back and found out that names are reserved for 90 days! I was a sad shaman. :c
One day afterward, I was talking to another dear friend and he called my shaman (then still named Lizzyuh) “Marsilly.” The fun nickname for my shaman (I have a lot of nicknames). I knew right then that I had to rename her.
But there was so much time to wait through before Marsaili was available again. About a week later, lightbulb went off over my proverbial head — just add an extra L! Yes! She can be Marsailli just as easily as she was Marsaili.
It’s good to feel whole with your avatar and in-game character, isn’t it?
It does! I’ve always kind of had issues with my druid because I feel like I have two mains, and the pally suits me better. But I loooove the resto play style and healing, so that’s what I do. Feeling like she and I have more of a connect will make me feel a lot better about her getting all the attention.
Ah, our names…”Mataoka” is Pochantas’ “formal” name, and it has been interesting to hear its pronunciations…ah well. Your post reminded me of a draft post I’ve had steeping for a bit…will have to wait a bit more, but thank you, and excellent post!
Heh, I can tell I grew up in an area with a lot of Native American names for things, because I look at Mataoka and go “How do people mispronounce that??”
I usually just say – call me “Matty” – and pray they heard me. There are some very interesting names for towns around my state. I think it’s Mat- Ah- oak-ah…but what was I thinking? I didn’t know…
They say: Mat-oak, mahtoke, ma…(give up), merqueka, machoke, and variations. I am the same way as you – chunk the syllables quickly for more precise pronunciation. And then I just say “Call me Matty.”
That first picture is so beautiful.
Names are important in so many ways, I think making sure you like the one you use is crucial. Although I no longer play Erinys (well I log her every 3 days to see if her Oracle egg yielded anything more interesting than an aged yolk) but most people still call me “Eri”.
That’s also perhaps one of the most amazing aspects of WoW, that our characters have developed their own personalities and that we care about what happens to them.
Thank you! I took it the day before the Shattering patch in Thousand Needles. I realized I had never done that old wonderful Leap of Faith quest chain on my main, and I really wanted to get it done in time.
Also, thank you for reminding me to log on as my warrior to see what’s inside her Oracle egg. 🙂
But…but…Momma Ko. *cries* Ok, I’m done. I know it’s hard to change identities, especially after having that for so long, but I also remember you wanting to do it for a long time. Even when I was playing *gasp!* So, I’m glad you did it and I hope it fits you better. *Hug*
Also, on a side note…You’ve kind of inspired me to start a blog of my own. Not sure when I get around to it, but I thought you’d like to know you’re inspiring. 😀
Love,
Coups
You say this like you weren’t playing a couple of months ago. 😉
I’m glad I inspired you. I think one of the best things in the world is to inspire others to do something that they like. What are you going to blog about? Tera?
I’m just going to blog about gaming in general and my experiences with people online.
It’s best to find something that fits. It’s so weird walking around all day long with shoes that are the wrong size… right? 😀
Also painful, when you’re like me and stubborn about buying a pair of shoes even if they’re a half size too small just because they were the only ones in stock. 🙂
But the REAL question is… did you put up with them coz they looked GOOD? 😀
Course I did! They were my wedding shoes!
The fact that Koloma also means snort made me laugh. It’s a perfect tauren name XD But if it’s not you, it’s not you. I tremble at the thought of realm transferring my main and having to rename her. I don’t think I could do it!
Then again, I love that her name has become my name. It seriously weirds me out when people use my real name online!
It’s been really weird since I changed her name! I keep calling her Ko when I talk about her. Over all though, I think I’m really happy with the name. Not sure if my guildies are quite as pleased, though. Change is hard 😉